By Cathy Sobke
I recently relocated to a barn with a rule that has me asking myself whether I like it, if it is fair to me, and if it is in the best interest for the industry and sport as a whole – No kids allowed. This rule was made very clear on my first visit to the farm, so it was not something which was undisclosed when I made my decision to move. I have three little boys, ages 4 to 6, so this was a factor which I had to weigh when deciding if this barn would be a good fit.
But now that I am in this barn, I am unsure whether this is a rule that I, or any other boarder, should contend. The barn owners are an elderly couple with adult children and teenage grandchildren. While there was a time in their lives when kids abound on the property and ponies were barn staples, now the demographic of the boarders is older, with the average age of late 30s to 50s.
From what I can tell, there is only one other boarder besides myself with a young child. I totally understand the desire for the barn owners to want to create and maintain an atmosphere where boarders can retreat from busy life and enjoy the quiet zen of horse ownership. It is a very peaceful farm, with one of the largest properties I have seen in my area, and the noisiest activity is the squawking of
resident bird and duck population. Bringing rambunctious boys to this barn would be like bringing band practice to a yoga studio.
In making my decision to move here, I pondered whether not having the option of having my sons to the barn would actually be a relief. I would not be tempted to squeeze in a ride with one of them hanging around and interrupting my “me” time. It would not happen often, but once in a while I would be in the position where I would not be able to see my horse if I did not have one of the littles in tow. But I am one of the lucky moms who has an amazing support system, where I have not one, but two grandparents who drop everything when given the chance to spend time with their grandsons.
But is this “no kids” rule fair? Fair to me? Fair to my sons? Fair to the horses? Fair to the other boarders? I think not.
Equestrian parents have very full lives and busy schedules. We love our families and in order to be the best versions of ourselves, horses are a very important tool for achieving mental stability and physical well-being. I happen to also be divorced, so I am able to find a lot of riding time when the kids are with the other parent. But even with the best support system, there are times when I have brought my son with me to the barn.
Does he still run through the barn if he gets excited? Yes, but a quick reminder from any adult and he immediately stops. The only issue I can recall having with kids at the barn was when a couple pre-teen girls decided to bring balloons to celebrate another boarder’s birthday. But when I asked them to put the balloons back in the car to avoid spooking my horse, they respectfully complied. If a parent is bringing their child to the barn, you can assume that the parent has faith in their child that she/he will be able to behave. After all, us equestrian parents understand that a rowdy child creates a safety hazard for others as well as themselves. We want our kids to keep all their body parts in place and bones intact.
But what is missing by not having kids around? The peace is nice, but it is very short-sighted when considering the future of equestrian sports. In order to get into any sport, the first ingredient is exposure. Remember the first time you saw a horse? That awe and excitement from your first interaction? My guess is that it probably happened when you were a child rather than adulthood.
The “no kids” rule deprives someone of that experience, thereby preventing future equestrians from having the chance to sprout.
I also think this rule is not fair to the other boarder parent at my barn. Her child happens to have developmental delays, and at age two, is still not speaking. I know of other non-verbal children who have had huge improvements in their development following hippo-therapy (horse therapy). Not only are our horses good for us equestrian parents, but they are also a benefit to our families and to our children in ways that you could never imagine.
This rule serves as a detriment to the other boarders who are without young children. Several of the other boarders are grandparents themselves and love having kids around. When I brought my son to the previous barn, he would remind the other equestrian parents of that magical time when their own kids were young. Plus, believe it or not, he is actually a fun little person, cheering me from the side of the arena, yelling “Good job, Mommy!” Wouldn’t you like someone cheering you on as you rode? If so, I’ll let you borrow my little cheerleader.
Finally, I just think this rule is unfair to my kids. What if a barn said “No old people. We don’t want anyone over the age of 50 because if they fall, they are more likely to get hurt. Plus, they have bad hearing so you have to shout in order for them to hear and we don’t like all that extra noise”? That would be absurd and unfair. Kids are little people and discriminating against any group of people is wrong.
But here’s the rub, I as the equestrian parent can’t complain. I came into this barn with the rule in place and it is not effective for me to ask for the rule change. But you know who can and should? The other boarders without young children. If you are in a boarding barn with this rule, please petition the owners on our behalf and ask for a rule change. Speak to the other boarders and explain how important it is to us. Can we advocate for ourselves and our children? Sure, but it puts the barn owners in a position where they can be loosing business. And if you are in favor of such a “no kid” rule, please evaluate why. Reconsider and see if you can open your barn doors to our kids.