If Netflix Celebrities Like Joe Exotic Were Equestrians
Binge watching is the new normal. From “Love Is Blind” to “Tiger King“, Netflix has for sure hit the jackpot with over-the-top, real-life characters in their latest series.
It’s an inside joke (is it though?) that horse people are crazy. So it’s always interesting to see a new niche group which tries to rival equestrians. Take big cat people for example, like the eccentric, problematic characters of Tiger King. No matter which side of the Carole Baskin vs. Joe Exotic battle you fall on, I think we can all agree that this is a train wreck you just can’t look away from.
But what if these characters were actual equestrians? Bear with me here. Here’s what the Heels Down Mag staff came up with.
Joe Exotic: Barrel Racer
The mullet-wearing, head honcho of Tiger King, Joe Exotic, would be a barrel racer, no doubt. Imagine those loud colors and tiger-print combos in a blingy western tack set. Yeehaw!
Carole Baskin: Dressage Queen
Whether or not you think Carole killed her ex-husband, Carole is a true diva. She may not be able to incorporate those leopard prints in the dressage ring, but she will certainly try to fit in the bling (maybe a flower crown turned brow band?) wherever she can.
Rick Kirkham: Natural Horsemanship
The producer and videographer behind Joe Exotic’s web-streamed series is ever-present throughout the whole show, even if he downplays his involvement in Joe Exoitc’s cause. The former Inside Edition producer reminds me of a horsemanship aficionado, with his wide-brimmed hats and turtlenecks. All he needs is a mustache, and he could be the next Pat Parelli.
Doc Antle: Team Roper
A rival big cat park owner to Joe Exotic, Tiger King gave a glimpse inside Doc Antle’s strange zoo compound, which included his relationships with several women who worked with him. Naturally, he seems like he’d be a Team Roper, wrangling a cow (or cat) from horseback (or elephant) with he help of one of “his girls.”
Jessica Batten: Hunter Princess
Switching to the characters of the reality TV series, Love Is Blind, let’s revisit Jessica Batten. Jessica gets engaged to Mark, a man several years young than her, then flounders her way through her commitment. She flip-flops in her interest in Mark, while publicly pining away for Barnett – another man on the show who is engaged to a different contestant. If Jessica rode horses, we think she’d enjoy the presentation of hunter ring. ‘Nuff said.
Matthew Barnett: Reining
“Barnett” as he’s known on the show, is your typical bro. He flirts with several of the girls on the show, even pitting one against another, before finally choosing one to propose to. He seems the type to like to party with his dudes on the weekend. So we see him enjoying the cowboy hat wielding reining crowd.
Amber Pike: Eventer
Amber is a veteran and never afraid to speak her mind. She ends up marrying Barnett, and is fiercely defensive of her new beau. Because she’s competitive and such a force to reckon with, we think she has the balls to be an eventer.