Guilty As Charged: The 7 Deadly Equestrian Sins
For the most part, equestrians are a pretty wholesome lot. We’re early risers, hard workers, and most of us have even taken an unofficial vow of poverty that helps keep us from temptation (outside the barn, anyway).
But everyone knows that one person who embodies at least one of the seven deadly equestrian sins…any of these sound familiar?
The Lustful Equestrian:
Sure, this person’s collar may be buttoned up all the way, and like most riders, they’re sound asleep before the dance clubs even open. But when it comes to anything equine, this rider transforms from conservative to completely out of control. You’ll know these people by their “Dream Tackroom” Pinterest boards, as well as their habit of sending you ads for horses they wish they could buy. You do not want to go shopping at the tack store with this bad influence.
The Gluttonous Equestrian:
First in line at the showgrounds’ deep-fried cheesecake cart, this person does everything to excess. They binge-watch the FEI live stream, their horse’s wardrobe is even more extensive than their own, and they spend every waking hour at the barn no matter what the consequence to their human relationships.
The Greedy Equestrian:
“Just one more round,” is a common refrain of greedy equestrians. Not only do they hog the trainer’s time and make all the lessons run late, but their drive for perfection can be counterproductive when their horse finally says enough is enough!
The Slothful Equestrian:
You know the OCD hunter princess stereotype? Well, this person is the opposite. They don’t seem to have a functioning alarm clock, and their tack is never clean. They’re the last to arrive at the in-gate at a show, and the first to complain that a judge is “playing favorites” when they haven’t even memorized their course.
The Wrathful Equestrian:
This equestrian has an agenda, and is going to convert you whether you like it or not. Whether their particular denomination is Natural Horsemanship, how riding used to be “back in the day,” or TRUE dressage, they are prone to long-winded angry rants and unsolicited critiques of your way of doing things. They tend to congregate and feed on each others’ frenzy on forums and in the comments section online.
The Envious Equestrian:
The envious equestrian is actually quite insecure. At their best, envious equestrians live vicariously through GoPro videos…but at their worst, they make nasty comments on videos or posts of riders doing things that they wish they could.
The Prideful Equestrian:
Maybe this rider really is the best thing since no-knot hairnets, but regardless of actual ability, this person will talk your ear off about how amazing their last lesson/clinic/show was, name-dropping famous trainers left and right. Their Pony Poopsie Pie is above reproach, and if things aren’t going so great, it’s never their fault. And if you want to add to the conversation…good luck getting a word in edgewise.