Epic Fails: When Your Boyfriend Tries To Help

He was so fearful of horse manure that he gawked at me like I was the most despicable thing when I picked up a ball of turd with my fingers after one fell from the wheelbarrow.

This article first appeared in the March 2018 issue of Heels Down Magazine. For more stories worth reading, subscribe now in the app and get a new issue delivered every month.


It’s hard not to laugh when your significant other tries to be helpful around the barn, but fails miserably at doing so.

Sometimes my hubby comes with me on nights I have to feed and muck stalls at the farm. With a boarding facility of more than 20 horses on the property, evening feeding and turn out chores take a couple of hours. But Alex (hubby) thinks he has the brawn and ability to speed this up so we can get home faster. Key word here is he “thinks”.

The first few times Alex came out to help me, he was so fearful of horse manure that he gawked at me like I was the most despicable thing when I picked up a ball of turd with my fingers after one fell from the wheelbarrow. But the first time he had to wheel a full load out of the barn to the compost pile at the back of the pasture by himself, he tipped it over and it spilled poop everywhere in the aisle. Guess who was forced to use those clean hands to help pick it all up?

Read This Next: Swipe Right: Dating In The Tech Age

Halters, apparently, are full of mystery and confusion. After several lessons of showing my hubby the various ways in which a human can secure a halter on a horse’s head, Alex, to this day, is still befuddled. Sometimes the strap ends up around the horse’s neck but not over their nose. Sometimes the nose band is latched behind their ears. I asked him once, which is harder: putting on a halter or taking off a bra? He didn’t answer me.

Then there are blankets. Okay, in his defense, I will say that blankets are heavy and large, and can be difficult to manage by yourself. Especially if you’re trying to throw said blanket over a young wiggly horse, like my OTTB gelding. But there’s got to be some kind of common sense rule here, right? If there’s a large flap that dangles awkwardly over the horse’s withers, and two small straps that you somehow (this is actually pretty impressive) managed to connect under his tail for goodness sake (and not get injured in doing so), there’s got to be something wrong, right? Wrong.

Liked This Story? Try: Equine Economics: The Horse. The House. The Boyfriend.

Would I dare let Alex try to put a boot or a leg wrap or a saddle on my horse? Excuse my language but he** no! Not if he couldn’t pass the halter or blanket tests. I’m sorry Alex, if you’re reading this. You’re a wonderful, supportive horse husband. You even know not to try to back up or hook up the trailer because, let’s be honest, I’m better at it. Take no offense. I’m thrilled you want to help. But sometimes the best way to be supportive is to just get out of the way. Love you. <3

More from Justine Griffin

Dogs, DJs and Dressage Tests: Heels Down Happy Hour Podcast 34

We all love our dogs, but should they really be allowed at...
Read More