Decoding Trainer-Speak
Anyone who has learned a second language knows that it can be difficult to master. Analyzing and committing to memory all of the nuances, subtext and origins of some phrases and idioms can be mind-boggling. And it’s no different when learning to speak “Trainer”.
Trainer is a special and unique language. It’s really not geographically bound, but is more tied to the culture that espouses it. The phrasing and meaning behind Trainer words can sometimes take years to master. Linguists and etymologists would have a field day with it. But don’t worry, we’re here to translate a few key phrases and words for you to help make you Trainer fluent. Knowledge is power.
“How are you doing today?” Upon arrival to a lesson, this is used not only as a warm greeting, but as an opening for assessment. The next words that come out of the rider’s mouth will help determine exactly how mean the Trainer-speaker can be today.
“Now, what happened there?” You didn’t do what I asked you to do the first time.
“Go do that again.” DEAR GOD, CAN YOU EVER SEE A FREAKING DISTANCE? DO YOU NEED GLASSES, SON?
“Don’t go so far forward with your shoulders next time.” Do you want to be a lawn dart?
“That was a little bold, but you made it work.” Maybe don’t go so fast, and/or have a spot from 50 miles away. Seriously, you scare me.
“STOP. STOP. STOP.” I am ready to assume my final form on this planet because you don’t follow directions. Do you even listen, bro?
“Oh, that looks about 2’9” to me.” It’s really 3-foot, but your weenie butt couldn’t handle it if you knew.
“NO MORE CANTER THAN THAT.” Please, for the love of God, stop gunning the gas pedal halfway to the jump.
“Kick! Kick!” Are your legs paralyzed? I think they might be.
“OK, I think that’s enough for today.” Your mind and/or horse is about to explode.
“OK, that’s one option. Or, we can think about going to that other show in a few months. I think that environment is a better fit.” Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not enter a show yet. Your horse is going to kill you.
“Don’t stop riding.” If you freeze three strides out one more time, I am going to flog you.
“I think you should take some lessons on the schoolmaster for a little while, to work on yourself.” Your horse is wholly unsuitable and I’d like to send him to China.
“That was great.” OMG you listened. Good job.
“Your horse really saved you there.” Your horse is a saint and would like for you to, you know, actually ride. He is thinking about murdering you in your sleep.
“You need to release more.” Are you studying to be a dentist? You should be. Because I think you’re really in love with being all up in your horse’s teeth.
“You did really great today. I’m so proud of you.” You did really great today. I’m so proud of you. And I’m so glad you’re my student.