It was the ultimate kick in the gut.
After the end of a long day, hauling two horses back from a vet appointment, I stopped by another barn to school a horse for a sick friend, and then met my husband for a quick bite to eat.
He rolled his eyes when I got a phone call on the way to the restaurant – it was another longtime horse friend calling to give me a quick update about her daughter’s horse show and ask for some advice. The phone call lasted 20 minutes – I hung up as we settled at our table with menus, but the husband was clearly tiffed.
“Don’t your horse friends understand you have a family too?”
It had been a particularly rough week – another barn friend’s horse had colic – they called me in a pinch for a ride to the local equine hospital. It was late on a weekday, but the trainer was at a show and no one else had a trailer – you know how it goes – and so I hauled the horse there in the dark and the rain. I got home just before 2 a.m. (The horse pulled through in a couple of days and is doing well now.)
The husband was tired of hearing about horses.
It’s never a good feeling, to think the person you love the most is irked with you because you spend too much time doing the thing you love the most. There’s got to be a happy balance somewhere in there, right?
I tried to keep the conversation from drifting back to horses over dinner. (It was hard, but I managed.) With time, his frustration disappeared and we went home without a fight. But his uneasiness hung over me for days after.
I think my husband would be the first to tell you that there isn’t another “hobby” quite like horses. It’s all-consuming, in time, in finances, in support and emotion. It’s hard and humbling but so fulfilling and addicting. He may still not understand why I want to spend my free time getting up before the sun to sweat and ache for hours for a total of mere minutes of riding time (and spend a small fortune every time I do it) but he knows I love it, and doesn’t stand in the way.
Horses have built so many lifelong friendships too, ones I’m grateful to have. But at the end of the day, he is right. I do have a family at home, one that’s not all that horse involved. There are many days when I miss my mark, and the day is wholly consumed by horses. But that just means I have to plan for days in the future that are not at the barn because relationships are all about striking that right balance.
Or attempting to, anyway.
It may never be perfect, but it’s the work we do day in and day out, that counts.