Finding the right trainer for you and your horse isn’t always easy. Personalities don’t always mesh, nor do training styles.
It can be a nerve-wrecking and painful break up, realizing that your trainer isn’t the right one for you or your horse. Heels Down Mag asked you, our loyal readers, why you left your last trainer and what advice you have for others. Here’s what some had to say.
Megan, 36, Hunter/Jumper
Why you left: “I did not feel supported. I didn’t feel as important as other clients, and I was not moving up or meeting goals. It felt like my young horse and I did not fit into program.”
How was your relationship before and when you decided to leave? “I think the relationship was OK. No hard feelings, I just wish the communication had been better.”
What would have made you stay? “If I knew I was as important as some of the wealthier clients who could afford to show every weekend. And if the communication improved.”
What advice do you have for a rider who is considering leaving their trainer? “If you feel like it’s not a good fit, don’t be afraid to look or even try another barn. I feel like I wasted a solid year because I was new to the area and was afraid to offend or upset people. When it stops being fun and is no longer a zen place, you need to make a move.”
Theresa, 23, Dressage
Why you left: “It was a hard decision. As a person, I love her. And we did have some really good lessons together. But in general, her methods didn’t really work well with my horse and I always felt like she wasn’t 100% honest with her riders. She had a tendency to turn to harsher bits & draw reins pretty quickly, before addressing the rider’s weaknesses first. It was also just simply a very busy barn that didn’t really have an adequate staff to support it.”
How was your relationship before and when you decided to leave? “Aside from a few minor miscommunications, we got along great for the duration of time I boarded at her facility. I left on very good terms after a very mature, one-on-one discussion and I still visit from time to time.”
What would have made you stay? “I probably would’ve stayed if the environment was a little more low key, if there was a more competent barn manager helping my trainer out, and if we just kind of clicked a little better in my lessons.”
What advice do you have for a rider who is considering leaving their trainer? “Finding the right trainer is a lot like dating. There has to be a little bit of chemistry there, and the best thing you can do is listen to your heart. Just like riding that one special horse, you know if you ‘click’ or not. Everybody has not-so-great days, but if the overall mood week after week isn’t satisfying, find someone who can help you get what you want out of this demanding sport.”
Kelli, 30, Hunters
Why you left: “The barn I was at was filled with people who could play harder and more frequently than I could. It was a large barn, with people who could afford to travel to Florida and Ohio and Virginia and New York every year. The trainer was away at shows for around six months of the year and due to work and finances, I generally could not ‘keep up with the Joneses‘. There would be weeks on weeks without lessons (which meant no jumping) and board was high, so it made more sense to switch to someone who stayed more local for most of the year. I was very torn about leaving, but am so pleased with my new barn.”
How was your relationship before and when you decided to leave? “Prior to leaving, the relationship was good, though it probably would have been stronger if I were one of the show roadies. Now, seeing them at shows is very awkward and strained.”
What would have made you stay? “It would have had to be a change in my circumstances. I cannot regularly take off that much time from work or that much time away from my family.”
What advice do you have for a rider who is considering leaving their trainer? “I would investigate options prior to leaving. Especially if you are moving a horse with you, you don’t want to have to move again if you are not happy at the new location. I also never said anything bad about the barn I left, and I won’t. The horse community is small and it’s easy to get sucked into gossip.”
Ashley, 29, Hunters
Why you left: “Too aggressive and opinionated. My trainer would throw brushes, grooming tools and crops at me for not having a straight enough back. I couldn’t handle the verbal abuse anymore after a friend at a show told me that it was definitely not normal behavior for higher levels.”
How was your relationship before and when you decided to leave: “The start of the relationship was good, but it went sour after a few months at the start of show season. I figured it was just show nerves and brushed it off. After a year, I realized it was just the honeymoon period.”
What would have made you stay? “Nothing at that point. I was excelling and doing well, but the mental stress was not worth it for me or my gelding.”
What advice do you have for a rider who is considering leaving their trainer? “Just do it. You don’t need to play a game of 21 questions and have a million excuses. If it isn’t working, it isn’t working.”
Danielle, 29, Show Jumper
Why you left: “I started to realize that not only was she not helping me progress, she was actually not helping train my horse. I don’t think she cared for him at all and she actively tried to convince me to buy a different breed. I also became very confident in my theory that every trainer should have their own trainer as well. It came to a head when I watched her do a one-off lesson with another trainer at our barn and she kept saying things like ‘Oh ya I knew that’ and ‘Well ya, that’s one way of doing it’. She kept making excuses about her riding instead of just being in the lesson.”
How was your relationship before and when you decided to leave? “Our relationship before slowly deteriorated, caused by the fact that she would make me feel guilty for not being able to afford more lessons. She made me feel as if I was responsible for paying her bills. We are still on friendly terms. It’s not worth it to burn bridges in this industry.”
What would have made you stay? “Nothing.”
What advice do you have for a rider who is considering leaving their trainer? “Be very firm and professional in your reasons. Don’t bad mouth anyone even if you are super frustrated, it will always come back negatively.”