Barn Moms are underappreciated and highly underrated. There are two types of Barn Moms, and each has their value in the lives of young riders. Both are a safe space and an example of horsemanship, camaraderie, and dedication to their sport and horses. These women are genuinely and naturally kind to all her barn buddies without giving out unsolicited advice and about the best products, tack, and techniques.
She is warm, nurturing, and present. Barn Moms are a gift.
The first category of Barn Mom is the most obvious, and these women are mothers to the juniors and children at our barns. They may or may not ride, and they are often wonderful Show Moms who ensure that their daughters and everyone else in the barn has a good lunch and quality snacks at a show. The ones that don’t ride still learn how to tack up, hand graze, lead, wear a martingale during the under saddle class like a crossbody bag, and read a course at the in-gate.
The mothers to young riders who also ride take this to another level. They share
a common love for horses and a difficult sport with their daughters, which can often help at a phase of life when mothers and daughters tend to struggle a bit at home. This type of Barn Mom is ready to be a Barn Mom to her own daughter as well as all the other kids in the barn.
The second category of Barn Mom doesn’t necessarily have to have children of her own, and if she does have kids, they don’t ride. She’s an Adult Ammy who the tweens and teens of the barn look up to for different reasons. Those reasons aren’t always about her riding skills but often are a part of why the kids initially notice her. We can look up to anyone in the barn for their abilities in the arena. A rider can inspire us whether they are decades younger than us, decades older, or a contemporary of us. The Barn Mom who doesn’t have a child at the barn or
a child at all, inspires young riders with her resiliency in the saddle, her riding, her honesty and integrity, and her ability to listen.
Kids may first see the way she uses her aids and connects with her horse, but they want to be around this type of Barn Mom because of the way she makes them feel.
Tweens and teens are at an age where they are discovering who they are. They’re
becoming more independent, learning how to use their voice, and beginning to articulate their dreams while finding ways to make those dreams a reality. They are also needing their parents less while still wanting to be near them. When they pull away from their parents in a healthy and developmentally appropriate way, it’s important to have trusting adults around to listen to them, encourage them, help them navigate questions, and empower them to make good choices for themselves and those around them. Kids often find adults who hold space for their emotions,
celebrate their successes, and sit with them in the struggles at school, with their faith community, and within their sport. For the latter, it seems as though women at barns fit that bill the most.
It’s the only sport where adults and kids will train at the same place and at the same
time. There’s a quality about Barn Moms that makes other kids drawn to them and feel safe with them at home and at shows. Barn Moms, particularly the ones who ride, also truly understand the passion girls have for horses. We are already connected at a deep level without saying anything.
I have sat on many tack trunks with crying teens and listened to their struggles with
horses, boys, family, and friends. Within the last few months, two teenagers have called me “Barn Mom” and “my second mom,” despite me not being blessed with kids (jury’s out on whether that’s a “yet” or “ever”), and those were the most recent times that occurred but not the only times. These titles imposed on me by our junior riders warm my heart. Each time they fefer to me in that way, I think back to the Barn Moms in my life when I was their age.
My own mom rode, and our barn was small but close. The women in that barn were the Barn Moms I needed. They were mediators when Mom and I were having teen-and-Mom tiffs. They hosted sleepovers for all the barn girls and kept coolers stocked at shows, and their presence made us feel safe and loved. They celebrated our wins even if we ribboned higher than their own daughter. They always knew what to do when we fell and had a bucket of horse and rider supplies ringside at shows. They encouraged and comforted me after my mother’s sudden death when I was 17.
They were safe. They were motherly. They were listeners. They were kind. Some were mothers to my fellow junior riders. Some were mothers to kids outside
the barn. Some didn’t have kids. They were all Barn Moms, and I cherish the influence they had on me at an age when girls need loving, nurturing, kind, compassionate women who help you find your voice and listen. Some of the best friends we meet are found because of horses, and Barn Moms are an underrated category of Barn Buddy. May we all be a Barn Mom to someone in honor of those who were Barn Moms to us.