Everyone has their own idea of what a relationship should consist of. They believe they know what love looks like. Love is dressed up to the nines, complete with a corsage and immaculate makeup. Love is devastatingly beautiful, which lends itself to reason. We fight for it, we long for it, and we sometimes kid ourselves as to what love is. Maybe it isn’t dressed up to the nines, at least not all the time. It has bruises beneath the hemline of that beautiful dress, and it has scars in other places where wounds have healed. But they still tell stories of the past, which is why people seem to be afraid of undressing themselves (figuratively) because their skin is marred with old wounds.
There are so many ideas of how to make relationships work. In an age where the “talking” phase could be mistaken for a relationship, it’s harder than ever to really understand what you want, and who you want. Attention dresses up just as nicely as Love, even nicer sometimes. That’s why it’s so easy to mistake attention for love; attention also plays host to jealousy and anger. Two is company, but those three are not a party.
I had thought I was seriously falling for that guy. Let’s call him Steve for the sake of storytelling. Before meeting him, I joked with some of my friends I would only date a guy who had a sister, and who golfed. Because obviously if he golfed that meant he’d be out of my hair on the weekends when I wanted to go to the barn. Solid theory, right? While I was ready for someone to say goodnight to me before I went to bed every night, it wasn’t what Steve wanted. I tried convincing myself that I didn’t want a relationship, I didn’t want someone to meet my family, that I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. The truth is, I’m not the kind of girl who can deal with indecision. Does he like me? Is he using me? Why don’t his friends know about me? What’s wrong with me?
Nothing was wrong with me. He simply didn’t want what I wanted, so the entire thing was in his hands all along because I was ready to be what he wanted. No such luck, as you could guess. Steve did teach me something important though: you cannot expect anything; you can’t assume you’ll change someone’s mind. So instead, you move along without expectation because that’s how your life will follow the course it’s supposed to. When you give up the need to control the relationship, to define it, you give yourself the opportunity to find what you’re really looking for. Heard the phrase “whatever you’re seeking is seeking you too?”
It’s fantastical how that truly works.
I went to see Sam Hunt play with Lady Antebellum last summer with my best friend. We do this thing where we have a scavenger hunt whenever we go out. We were standing behind a huge group of people and I recognized this guy I’d had a crush on in high school. There was another guy right next to him with this ridiculous straw hat that had a camouflage band on it. So, we marched right on up to him, tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to take a picture of us. Of course he said sure, but after the picture we started talking. We’d gone to the same high school, knew some of the same people. He had this mischievous glimmer in his unfortunately (this is only unfortunate because I probably stared longer than I needed to) baby blue eyes, and a 1000-watt smile. On the way out of the concert I complained about my feet hurting and he didn’t hesitate before scooping me up and carrying me down the stairs at the concert venue.
The point here is: Steve taught me not to assume, not to expect, and not to try and control how someone else felt. When I let go, the real Prince Charming literally scooped me up and carried me off into the night.
What’s better than letting your own fairy tale develop? You won’t be disappointed… that is unless you expect a carriage drawn by horses. Because let’s face it, we’d rather ride the horse than sit in a carriage. Prince Charming will simply have to accept us for the horse loving ladies we are.